Elevator pitch

Donald Trump's recent remarks about Muslims have only one possible explanation. He is actually an extraterrestrial terraforming device.

There is a race of aliens seeking refuge as a result of polluting their own home planet and rendering it uninhabitable. Unfortunately the sort of habitat they seek is one we would recognise as an irradiated wasteland.

Donald Trump is a device like that guy out of the first Men in Black with the little alien guy inside his head. Folding back Trump's toupee reveals an access hatch to the command and control centre where a miniature alien operates him.

His objective is to get Trump elected as the most rapid way of precipitating a full thermonuclear exchange between everyone with any missiles to launch. This will then terraform the planet and render it suitable for the aliens while simultaneously eliminating the pesky natives.

However, the aliens have not reckoned with humans' own ability to cock things up. They are concerned that a British jet over Syria will accidentally shoot down a Russian jet bombing FSA forces allied to the British who have taken ground from the Syrian army whom the British accidentally bombed while trying to hit ISIS targets. Nuclear conflict will then ensue fully 11 months earlier than the planned alien invasion date, set for a fortnight after the US Presidential election, and before they have finished marshalling their forces on the dark side of the moon.

An epic espionage struggle then unfolds as impossibly good looking agents with scant regard for human life embark upon clandestine efforts to control access to classified blueprints for game-changing secret weapons.

But our only hope is that the aliens are confronted by the *other* aliens already terraforming the Earth. These other aliens are from a world whose runaway greenhouse effect has abated and they have been cultivating human civilisation in secret for thousands of years in order to recreate the conditions they crave here on Earth. The two extraterrestrial societies face each other in the ultimate showdown and an epic space battle decides the victor. Meanwhile Tom Hanks eludes capture by secret societies on Earth while showing an attractive French woman how a description of the aliens' role in manipulating human history has been hidden in plain sight in the paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci.

However both alien species are thwarted by time travelling dinosaurs. A team of crack velociraptor scientists from the Cretaceous period create an Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen pair of quantum entangled sub-atomic particles. They conceal one inside the remains of one of their dead colleagues which they then dump in a tar pit. Using this to teleport through time rather than space they jump forward to the moment their colleagues fossilised remains are discovered by humans in the early 21st century, along with fleets of advanced weaponry voice-actuated by their distinct velociraptor bark, familiar to anyone who has ever watched a Jurassic Park movie.

These tech-savvy dinosaurs are then embroiled in an epic war with the aliens for mastery of Earth.

Have I just inadvertently re-invented scientology?